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The Rants and Ravings of a Disgruntled Human |
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You know what day it is
Looking for some entertainment tonight? Tax season got you down, and you owe the government a couple fingers and an ear? Don't think about the bar or bowling, must see TV, or even playing footsie with some anonymous gerbils. Nope, tonight the place to be is your local downtown Post Office. Make sure you set up camp early, as driving will be a bit of a hassle. Here's what you do. Get a mail bag, some blue clothes, a couple of beers, and a lighter. Find a convenient yet out of the way place near the post office to hang out and relax until it starts to get late. I'd suggest in the back of your pick-up while double parked next to a latte stand. Kick back, suck in a few beers, and save your energy for about 11:30. Now the fun begins. You'll probably notice the long line of cars filtering by the post office. If you're lucky, there will be a mail man in the middle of the street taking tax returns and bagging them. This is your chance to shine. After putting on your clothes and donning the mail bag, begin to walk down the street next to the cars. As you reach to take their return, whip out the handy dandy lighter, and set their hard work a blazin'. Revel in the fear and torture in poor chap's face. Continue. Odds are you should be able to do at least 10-15 this way before either A. The police chase you down and beat you, or B. The 'burned' chase you down and beat you. If one of these unfortunate circumstances happens, be sure to have your friend nearby, taping the whole thing. That way, you'll be able to deduct next year for 'wrongful beating', on form 1666B - 32c, sidebar D3. Either way, it's sure to be a memorable tax day for years to come. |